You always make fun.

December 24, 2009

Having photobooth on your computer results in accidental records showing blurbs of periods of time in your life. It’s one of those things that forces you to remember, which I’d also argue is the sheer power of a lot of photographs. When I look at a photo, I’m forced to create an emotional bridge to understand what’s inside the image. Often, we can create emotional connections with photographs that we see taken from someone we don’t know, containing people or things that we don’t know.  But there’s something really overwhelming, and delicate about trying to build that emotional bridge with pictures that have you and your friends in them. Especially when you’re shocked to find that photo of you makes you feel like you are looking at a strange– especially when the people in the photographs are people so incredibly far away from you now. I can’t tell whether it hurts or whether it feels good and sacred.

Today, I went through them, as a way to understand myself better, and to honor the people that have had a big impact in my life.

** These photos are very personal. If you want any of them taken down, I will be glad to do so. No disrespect intended.

We’ll look for something new when the air gets stale, pack our bags, and wake up in a room stained turquoise, glass bottles and smoke introduce themselves.

Talk to strangers, talk to strangers, talk to strangers, get numbers, get numbers, get numbers. Sleep over, sleep over, sleep over. Drink, drink, drink, smoke, smoke, smoke.

Happiness is not overrated. Friends are valuable, laughter is currency, and our defenses are down. When all the flare dulls out, we realize, what else could be more important than what we have.

Something real and beautiful, something true, something immensely comfortable. Someone who cares, someone who knows, someone who’s always had your back. Small meaningless connections lost it’s charm.

I would kick and scream for a year and a half of bliss, and I did, and I did.

We tend to categorize things that don’t work out the way we planned as failures. And in a state of emotional distress, frustration, and resignation, the urge to stamp it all a waste and burn it becomes an increasingly appealing option. It’s been a long time since I’ve been faced with sinking relationships, broken friendships.  I can see why people undergo a cynical transformation. I can see why people declare that they no longer care about anything.  I can see why the worst parts of us take everything over. I can see why people choose to call themselves out before they have even done anything– to free them from responsibility of being a toxic person.

But that’s just not me.


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