Breaking Comfort Zones

An important area to examine in terms of personal growth is how often you break your comfort zone. Breaking your comfort zone is the primary way that change occurs- in your job, relationships, and essentially your entire lifestyle. And as obvious as it might seem to many, it’s apparent that many of us are incredibly fear-ridden- which is projected through shallow, false justification. I’m mainly referring to over-judgmental characteristics in people, who are so because they are simply unwilling to take any chances.

We want to stay in our own comfort zones all the time: stay in the same city, play video games and look at youtube for hours instead of going out, staying within your social clique instead of socializing with everyone, resuming disfunctional relationships, putting up walls in our personality. Why? Simply because it’s comfortable, duh. But no change comes from calm seas, and if you never really test the limits of your life you’ll only have a partially-painted picture of what it could possibly be.

I remember at the end of last year, I was inspired to break a lot of my comfort zones. I became much more social rather than introverted, I shared moments with people I never would have given a chance before. I pushed away my fear of approaching strangers, girls and boys alike. I moved to a new city and got a completely new perspective on lifestyle. One of my main goals, was to be a more interesting person, and that took a lot of subtle changes… from controlling my anxieties, to pushing my physical appearance. I strive not to be a new person, but to be my very best self.

Unfortunately, a lot of my friends became former friends, and some people in my life became upset when I stepped out into the new world. It’s apparent that many people around you won’t support your change or what you view as self-improvement. When it came to women, I was called out as a “player” in front of them, often by some of my good friends, who would expose me as a fraud. It was a sad thing to realize, the fact that your friends were so easily offed by the your improvement, but it’s important to realize that these negative comments are only cover ups to their own insecurities. I gained the mindset, “Hey, at least I’m trying.“

So with the experiences of the last year, here are some core things I’ve learned the hard way:

1. Look at the people you surround yourself with and actually HAVE high standards for the people you surround yourself with on a regular basis. Just because you have known them for a long time does not mean you should take abuse. Friends are there for support, not for discouragement. Even when it hurts, sometimes we have to let go of people who are bad for us.

2. Catch yourself. When you find yourself prejudging, or making excuses, take note of it and STOP. These prejudgments and excuses like “Oh, she’s a bitch anyway” or “I’ll just do it tomorrow…” are so damn transparent. Commit to a mindframe and follow through.

3. Get the mindset: “Everything that happens to me, is MY fault.” Whether it’s true or not, (of course there are exceptions) this will push you to find solutions and really evaluate ways to do things better. It will make you far more proactive… For example, if your boss is a particularly rude or angry towards you, it will push you to dig deep and figure out why, instead of just being angry.

4. Have an idea of your best-self and figure out what points in your life you need to specifically improve to get to that final image. You can do it. Everyone can do it.

5. “There is no failure, there is only progress.”

As much as I dislike sounding like a self-help preacher, I hope this helps anyone who reads this, and if it doesn’t, I hope it atleast opens up your eyes a little. I went from a guy who worked at a bookstore for minimum wage (in a small town that I’d been in my whole life), single and depressed, with one or two good friends that I relied on for company, and a very boring, typical appearance … to a professional graphic designer in San Francisco, salary wage, with a great place, I have dated quite regularly and far more picky instead of desperate, with an appearance that actually makes ME feel great. Cheers.