I met you.

Remembering is far more absurd than forgetting. A memory of a certain person, their smell, their nervous twitches and the way they stared as you pretended not to notice; it serves as a bookmark. The bookmark in one of the many large & small books that will surely have chapter breaks, tension builders and dissappointing conclusions. Our books have those pages that we wish we could tear out, pages that make us question whether to keep reading. But just like a book, you can read a page, or a chapter over and over again, but the words will never change. The words, the letters are printed, immortalized on yellowish pieces of paper, and we’ll continue to stare even though the page won’t move, relocate, or alter it’s form.

I have books that I haven’t yet to read, but want to. I have too many of those. I buy them, and they sit on my shelf, anxiously waiting to be read, but I’ll put them off because they’re not the book that I’m in love with. They’re not the book that feels different each time I read it although it is exactly the same. They’re not the book that sits in my bag, damaged and weathered as it is, coffee stains and dog-ears staining the run throughs, marking those moments when I absolutely needed those pages to find a certain quote. Those quotes, I use here, and there, and hold in my pocket for random reflection and conversation.

I smoke cigarettes again. As good as it felt to be rid of them, it’s hard to deny that I feel even better when they poke my lungs like extra heartbeats. I felt good when I didn’t smoke, but I missed them so much. I missed how they felt in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep, and the way they’d vanquish the petty worries that polluted my days. I missed having that crutch, that go-to thing that could add a little romance to mundane situations, add a little relaxation to my nerves on a rough day. I shouldn’t need to smoke, and it’s bad for me, but the long term, possibly fatal consequences, are minor in comparison to the joy they give me. The feeling of a cigarette on my lips, or knowing that I can escape the mundanities of work with that small break with my camels, was a reassurance that many would feel as fake, silly, or sophmoric. Everyone knows it’s bad for you, and that they aren’t a sign of any intelligent status, but we do them, because there is nothing else to do, and when we’re feeling unsure, the little breaths of joy are something we cannot let go.

When I listen to this song, I like to think how much it would mean to me, and to the people with me, if I had written it. Would it change the context? The meaning of the lyrics, or the beauty of the words? Well that’s nothing to worry about, because I can’t sing at all.

Tasty Curry

We made some tikka masala a little while ago, my sister had brought some spices back from London. We bought the necessary ingredients, went to the local Indian grocery store, and it turned out pretty well.

I Use Sarcasm Freely

We’re spinning fast; months seem like short, blurry streaks of color . Chains of conversations connected by six dollar cigarettes; I can’t help but think that all the idealistic romance of tobacco is ridiculous. The novel quality has dissipated, turning my lungs into overworked, underpaid workers in a factory. However, we don’t always learn and change from our mistakes and experiences, sometimes we just observe, absorb, and relish in the vivid memories that we hold close to our chests through the middle of the night, with our windows open, air unmoving. I think of my old friends sometimes, and why they are old. I think of my ex-girlfriends sometimes, and am reminded exactly why I’m passed that letter of the alphabet. We shouldn’t go backwards, we can never go backwards.

The girl I sleep with at night keeps me warm with her nails against my back and the sweet smell of her hair, yet I still sit on my porch staring off to space. The hours I put in front of a screen, in my head, print out onto card stock. The smell is incredible. It’s important to keep our pencils sharp and are pens full of ink. In a matter of time, you’ll see the environment is not what’s trapping you. That’s impossible! The mountains move to slow to catch you. You’ve forgotten how to tie your shoes and blame it on the store you bought them from. You’ve forgotten how to read and blame it on the book. You’ve forgotten the words to your favorite song and blame it on your speakers.

Rappers are good with words because they use them as weapons. Let’s make bombs out of words and fragments, and build cities with commas.

Zoo

Went to the LA Zoo recently.

My God Daughter

She is beautiful.

Blurb.

In order to establish an accomodating way in order to live my life, I’ve spent a lot of time making mistakes, and creating success. It is only now, that I can confidently say that I truly believe that the majority of things that happen in a lifetime are no longer problems to be solved, but processes to be enjoyed. This enjoyment does not necessarily need to be polished and colorful in the classic sense of joy, but to be fully accepted, appreciated, and interpreted in a way that can reinforce growth and power.

I used to be convinced that I was merely part of a structure that was immovable; that I had to make my way down a certain route, whether I liked it or not. All of this work would be done in order to get to a desired destination, to achieve a desired result. However, if history, or if my personal experiences have shown any truth at all, it’s that the flow of time and the happening of events are more or less spontaneous and indifferent to our personal wants. To accept that we are constantly in the moment, that we are constantly departing while arriving, means that the beauty  and fulfilment lies in the absorption of the moment. As i am fully aware of the cliche and blurry vagueness this phrase embodies, I don’t think it is discredited at all. Instead of a single goal or destination, each day can be filled with an infinite number of small victories, while still being fully present in the situation that surrounds me every second.

People are going to make choices that benefit them the most, even when they are your best friends or significant others. Tragedies will happen when we least expect them, and sometimes we go through an entire educational career path to find that we are completely lost, and misguided. The solution, for me, is not to make sure I make the perfect, sunniest directions to arrive, but instead, to acquire small victories in every second and find beauty in both the mundane and the significant. Making strange choices, rolling with the flow of time that is the most organic mental sophistication that still remains a mystery to the drones that roll along without asking the questions that life begs. More importantly, it is not about asking the questions, but finding answers in everything.

RIP Felicidad Leviste

Scuba Diving Lessons & Sea Food

The Getty

Monthly Review. Late December-January

Work & School:

• Part-time internship at Red Table Studio in LA as a designer for my old teacher.
• Design pitch for House Of Blues in Anaheim, minimal direction, 5 designs total for their store. Awaiting revisions.
• 3 Designs for AFI.

• 3 Designs for Green Day.

• Speaking of Green Day, they have used a design I did for them to represent their online identity. It is currently on their MySpace, and their official website. I remember thinking of the idea of birds into planes a long time ago, when looking for something I can stencil that was 1 color. I have mixed feelings about what they did to the original graphic, and it’s general use.
• Featured on Karmaloop, check it out! (On Sale):

• First quarter back grades: A, A, A, A, B+

Personal:

• The quest for good cuisine, international and all, begins. Talks of a Food Blog, Flog, ensue. So far this month and a little last: Ethiopian in Little Ethiopia, Versailles (Cuban), Pupusa Cafe (El Salvadorian), A lot of Indian, Sanamluang Thai, I’ve recently eaten duck fetus and cow tongue.
• Been seeing some good movies: Slumdog, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, and a lot of Stella.

Goals:

• Plan my free trip to the East Coast before March 13th, when it expires.
• Get in shape, I can always start running for a few weeks, but always stop, I need to find a way to stay committed.
• Get a fresh sense of where I want my life to go in the next two years.
• Stay practical, and stay sharp.
• Move, but only when the time is right and smart.